I don't know why, but spouses seem to come to me for advice on marriage. I'm a fairly good listener, but I think what draws them to me is that I've been divorced myself. I think they're looking for that someone who they see has had a better life after divorce.
So, having that better life, it's really difficult for me to say "Hang in there, tiger!" or "Keep working on it and it'll get better!" For me, when my marriage was over, I knew it, and I moved on - immediately. I guess that's the type of person I am - impatient. Once I realized that my ex was really not in love with me, but rather with the idea of me, there was no going back. Even though he tried his petty ways to get me back, when given the option to split or not and he chose to split, it was sealed. No going back. If you don't love me and want to work on it with me, then go to hell. There's no fixing it if one half has never really, deeply loved the other half. Don't be with someone just to be with someone, if you know what I mean.
Which leads me to my issue of giving advice. I really want to say "Move on already!" but the man is married to my good friend. With the spot their lives are in right now, I can't say what I want to say to him. And, there's the other side of it - what can I tell his wife, my friend?!? I want to warn her because I feel like the end is near. And if she can do anything to get him to stay, I would want her to do whatever it takes. But what do you say in this case? We're in mid-chat as I type this, by the way...
Part of me wonders if some people marry just to be married, or to have a companion. No passion necessary. This is how it was with my first marriage - on his side of it. I was completely in love with him but didn't realize until 6 years into our relationship that it was not reciprocated. Not the best feeling in the world. He was a good faker though. I'm surprised I could trust again after that, but I thank my lucky stars for my husband now.
Now my chat with Mr. Unhappily Married has come to an end for the night. I actually gave him hope! I feel so good after this chat. I may have actually helped their marriage if he follows through with what we talked about. Normally we end on a note where I wonder if I'll be getting a call from my friend the next day, in tears because he's left her. But not this time. I can finally go to bed after this little chit chat and feel ok with their lives tonight. It would be my secret pleasure if their marriage ended up being one of those "happily ever after" kind of marriages. Cross your fingers.
